Godzilla vs. King Tut

When last I blogged I was musing about the badtacular films of Roland Emmerich (see below), and, in particular, revisiting his 1994 Egyptian-themed, sci-fi blockbuster Stargate. Well, today I visited the King Tut exhibit at the Art Gallery of Ontario (AGO), marveled at the priceless artifacts of antiquity sourced from his tomb, learned much about mummies and life in ancient Egypt and saw no sign of an actual Stargate – though I desperately wished for one to escape the overcrowded exhibit rooms.

But, I did see Mummies: Secrets of the Pharaohs, a 30-minute 3-D film about the discovery of the pharaohs’ tombs and the greater riches of the medical knowledge gained from the 3000-year-old DNA of the mummies. Narrated by Christopher Lee (bonus!), it’s part re-enactment set during the turn of the century when grave robbers first uncovered the long-sought-after royal tombs, and part medical mystery (how did the ancient Egyptians mummy bodies, and what can we learn about the evolution of malaria by studying the bodies?). The 3-D is exceptional, as well, not showy or schlocky, but used to make the already epic architecture even more epic. If you live in Toronto, you can see it before the exhibit ends in three weeks, or you can buy the film on DVD or Blu-ray, but it’s not in 3-D.

(On a side note, I noticed, among the ugly, criminally overpriced crap at the gift shop, a bunch of docs about ancient Egypt. Many of them were available on VHS, and I realized that museum/tourist attraction gift shops, are pretty much the last place you can find new VHS films.)

I hit the IMDb to find out more about Keith Melton, who directed Secrets of the Pharaohs. Expectedly, he’s done a bunch of similar shorts for various attractions: Mystic India, Ultimate G’s, Cirque du Soleil: Journey of Man. However, I was surprised to see that he’s apparently working on his first 3-D feature, and it’s a big one… literally. According to the IMDb, Melton may be making Godzilla 3-D.

Yes, “AWESOME!” is exactly what I said, and then pumped my fist in the air! I checked Wikipedia and found this tidbit:

Yoshimitsu Banno, the maker of Godzilla vs. Hedorah, had recently acquired the rights to produce an IMAX film of his own titled Godzilla 3-D to the Max, in which Godzilla was to battle a new monster called Deathla. However, little has been heard about the project of late, and it is generally assumed to be abandoned. However, the Internet Movie Database's profile on "Godzilla 3D" currently states that the film is in pre-production as of 2011, but will most likely release in 2014, Godzilla's 60th birthday.

The dumb “to the Max” part of the title notwithstanding, that sounds like about as much fun as you could have in the theatre. I’d never considered it before, but Godzilla is the perfect 3-D vehicle, seeing as it’s all about big visuals, things breaking and flying through the air, blasts of fire, stomping and  giants fighting – oh my! I’m hyperventilating at the thought of it. In fact, I’m fairly certain that the entire history of 3-D has simply been a precursor to this event, practice for greatest three-dimensional spectacle to ever grace silver screens. Hell maybe, even history itself has been leading up to Godzilla 3-D. Perhaps the only reason Roland Emmerich’s awful American Godzilla remake came to pass was to ensure that he wouldn’t be offered this one. Maybe, just maybe the ancient Egyptians foretold of this epic event 3000 years ago. Why else did they build pyramids obelisks? To ensure Godzilla didn’t stomp their tombs and temples, of course. Were there any giant lizards on the Rosetta Stone? Hmmm…

OK, that might be a big ole bag of crazy talk, but one thing is absolutely certain: if the Egyptians were able to built great civilizations 3000 years ago, I should be able to sit in a theatre today and see Godzilla throw a giant monster at my head.

-Dave Alexander