Chuck Norris: 70 and Still Kickin'

Time stands still for no man… except Chuck Norris, because it’s too scared to move a muscle. That seems likely, as yesterday was the famous tough guy’s 70^th birthday and he looks twenty year younger. Of course, it’s easier to stop time with, not a roundhouse, but a facelift, hairpiece and a dyed beard. Chuck’s in that trying-to-turn-back-the-clock club with Dick Clark, Burt Reynolds and William Shatner, except he’s in wicked shape, and tough enough to punch a grizzly bear inside-out. And like Shatner, he’s become this kind-of ironic cult hero, a throwback of cheesy masculinity from a bygone era. The former air force pilot turned martial arts champion turned actor was elevated to pop culture punchline thanks to the online Chuck Norris Facts, which started about five years ago. For such an old school, he’s really benefitted from internet.

What I find interesting about the guy is that, unlike, say, Shatner, he’s also got many fans who take him very seriously. He’s got this weird fanbase of people who appreciate him as this ironically mythical figure, and those who genuinely believe he’s a national hero, and they’re on opposite ends of the political spectrum for the most part.

Y’see Norris is a dyed in the beard, er, wool Republican, who even stumped for Governor Mike Huckabee in the 2008 election. According to Wikipedia, he’s against public school condoning homosexuality, supports gun rights and he supported the California Proposition-8 ban on same sex marriage. And, apparently, he believes in intelligent design, so he might not be nearly as swift as his roundhouse (after all, Chuck Norris thinks with his fists!) – although I would like to see him go toe-to-noodle with The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Inevitably, the people who think Chuck Norris is cool like a role model and those who think he’s cool like a unicorn cross paths and hilarity ensues. CNN made note of his 70^th and put out a call to “hear your best facts about the action hero in the comments below.”

Just a quick sampling reveals people re-posting a bunch of the best “facts,” such as “In Chuck Norris' beard, there is no chin… only another fist,” “Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table of Elements because he only recognizes the element of surprise” and “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris” – classics!

But among the jokes, like every other single comment thread on CNN, are the political squabbles. Froggy22 says, “Happy Birthday, Chuck! You are a good and true man, a real American, and I applaud you. When Walker Texas Ranger was on tv, we always watched, it was a pleasure to see an upright and honest man fighting crime! Villains and bad guys got their just desserts, which is too rare in America today. I am sick of "girlymen" and whimps, you are a joy! Keep up the good work.”

ATLEaglesFan replied, “To Froggy22 & the other Palin followers what constitutes a "REAL AMERICAN"??? Being of Caucasian descent by chance. I put Chuck in the same category as you so borrowing from the Dukes of Hazzard theme "Just a good ol' boy never meaning no Harm”

Sam69 stated, “We really need more Stars like you in Hollywood Chuck. Not the drug addicted thrice divorce garbage we have now, that fly around the world, kissing the feet of horrible murderous dictators.” (I have no freakin’ clue what this person talking about either.)

MCO2 notes, “Never liked him, never will; especially in light of the right-wing christian-ey BS stuff.”

Uscgvet says, “Happy birthday to Mr. Norris. I was amused as I read through the comments. Liberals are funny...not too smart but funny. Not one person on here who could carry his brief case. Libs will seek any forum to publish their garbage and verbal attacks...especially on a person who has moral character.  Well, I gues the libs do have those they can look to for moral decency...such as...Slick Willie, Hellary, Frank, et al. Go get em Chuck.  Time for another series!”

Flabaghastid says, “Zero respect for a man who shows up on Christian scam shows, with all those con-artists.

And then there’s JJP3000: “Who is Chuck Norris and why do we care?” Ha!

These are just a selection of the shorter comments in the nearly 150-long thread (click on that CNN link abobe to read it) – some incensed Norris lovers (and haters) wrote mini-essays on his status as a “real man,” his fighting record, how Bruce Lee would kick his ass and so on. Chuck Norris is a divider... and not only with his side-chop.

Regardless of how you feel about the man, I strongly encourage you to indulge in the phenomenon that is Chuck Norris and watch one of his ass-kicking classics. Maybe this weekend I’ll buy a denim shirt, toss on The Octagon and see if I can knock out my own shadow with a roundhouse.

 

-Dave Alexander

Comments

Loved watching Walker:Texas Ranger.A real inspiration. The world needs more motivating individuals like you. Staying true to one's path.Practicing what one preaches. Train hard and be true to one's self.

Much respect for you. A real hero.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK!!!!! Thanks for being such an important part of my childhood - with being all American ninja and all!! You are amazing!!!

Because he believes in intelligent design, he's "not as swift as his roundhouse kick?" This writer might want to re-evaluate his own biases so he doesn't sound like a bigot next time.

He doesn't sound like bigot, he sounds like someone who doesn't believe a magic sky wizard invented everything. Don't judge him based on your fairy tales.

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"Inevitably, the people who think Chuck Norris is cool like a role model and those who think he’s cool like a unicorn cross paths..."

OMG. Too too funny. I'm choking.