The Trouble With Tarantulas

Modesty, Klingons, receding hair and tarantulas – all them have been the enemy of William Shatner at one time or another. But it’s his epic battle against the last one that’s my favourite, in the 1977 nature run amok film Kingdom of the Spiders.

I’ve been fascinated with this movie since I was but a wee, bug-despising lad and caught a few minutes of it on television. Among the scenes that I watched was one freak-out featuring a dead guy in a truck who’s ghoulishly covered in webbing. It scared the hell out of me for years later, as I was sure tarantulas would come crawling out of my closet and from under my bed to cocoon me during the night. But, when, as slightly less spider-shocked adult, I tracked the movie down on video, I discovered one of the most fun killer creepy-crawly movies ever made.

Shatner stars as country veterinarian Robert “Rack” Hansen, who loves ridin’ the range as much as romancing the ladies, and the only thing he wears better than a cowboy hat and tight pants is a mischievous smirk. When a local farmer – played by beloved character actor Woody Strode – discovers his livestock are being preyed on by legions of tarantulas that have built gigantic mounds in his field, Rack tries to make sense of the normally solitary creatures’ behaviour. To help his unravel the mystery, and eventually give in to his inescapable charm, is lady scientist Diane Ashley (Tiffany Bolling). Together they discover each other… oh yeah, and that the mass tarantula attacks are caused by pesticides, making or a nice environmental message. Before they can stem the attacks, though, the eight-legged invasion is on. Along with a handful of others, our heroes board up the doors and windows of a motel – Night of the Living Dead-style – as a sea of spiders attacks the town. (Naturally, Shatner handles the situation, after all, he did have practice during the Star Trek “Trouble With Tribbles” episode.)

Few, if any, B-movies are this ambitious. The filmmakers used what must’ve been dozens and dozens of real tarantulas in certain scenes to give the proper invasion effect, and it’ll make your skin crawl. Plus, the actors really go for it, letting themselves get covered from head to toe in real arachnids; even Shatner has one on his face at one point!

You can also see some of them get squished, which hasn’t exactly made the movie a PETA must-watch. It does make it a very unique, they-don’t-make-‘em-like-they-used-to kinda film, however. Director John “Bud” Cardos, who made a bunch of well-known drive-in flicks, including Satan’s Sadists, Nightmare in Wax and Hell’s Angels on Wheels, wasn’t afraid to terrorize child actors with the critters, stage elaborate stunt sequences (including a bi-plane crash caused by the creatures!) or even glue a live one on to the back of a live rat! The ‘70s duds, some cheezoid plastic spiders and the campy performance of Bill S. only make Kingdom of the Spiders more outrageously likable, of course.

Now, if you owned the previous cheap-o pan and scan version, you’ll definitely need to upgrade to Shout! Factory’s just released special edition, which has a cleaned up print, vintage poster art on the cover (which on first glance seems to depict Shatner holding his burning, erect manhood… snicker, snicker), audio commentary from Cardos and others, and featurettes, including a new interview with El Shatareeno about the film. He talks about how he loved the chance to ride a horse in the movie, how it was difficult to find actors willing to work with spiders, and then, well, he just kinda rambles on about stuff that doesn’t make a lotta sense but is great for laugh – you can’t help but love the guy.

Kingdom of the Spiders just ain’t one of his best movies, I’d say it’s the best killer spider movie ever made. So step inside Shatner’s web, if ya got the guts.

 

-Dave Alexander