The Adventure Begins... Again!

I’d given up hope of being bitten by a radioactive spider long ago, my birth certificate doesn’t say anything about Krypton, and I’m way too lazy to build a Bat-Cave, but at least my psychic abilities finally seem to be developing. In my last blog post I celebrated Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins and wondered if “maybe it’s ripe for a remake?” Shortly after this I was sent a link (thanks, Kristal!) to a news story that appeared a day later announcing that a new Remo Williams franchise is in the works!

According to this story at Riskybusinessblog.com, "The Dark Knight producer Charles Roven and Transporter producer Steve Chasman are teaming up to produce The Destroyer, a franchise vehicle that brings back ’80s action hero Remo Williams. The pair have [sic] set up the project at Columbia.”

Perhaps I have the power to will remakes into existence, which is pretty useless, seeing as pretty much everything has been remade or is going to be remade. A better power would be the ability to will remakes out of existence, which I would use immediately to erase Rob Zombie’s  Halloween, Gus Van Sant’s Psycho and Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes, to names but a few of many.

Anyhow, I think bringing back Remo Williams has promise, seeing as the series never had a chance to fly (or run across water, if you prefer) in the first place. But there are some obvious challenges in terms of exactly what kind of a Remo Williams film these guys should be making. The Destroyer novels source material is very tongue-in-cheek, apparently, and half the fun of the original Remo Williams is the silliness of it (i.e. the running across water). It doesn’t make sense to do something serious to compete with Bond or Bourne, so I say preserve the lunacy but avoid going into outright comedy. (I don’t want to see a Wayans or a Farrelly within a hundred miles of this thing). Something along the lines of The Transporter, but not so try-hard in its action movie posturing, could work. Maybe Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor – the guys who made Crank could do it justice?

But more importantly, whose gonna play Remo? Fred Ward will be pushing 70 by the time this gets made, so we need someone else with that right mix of physical prowess, and goofy incredulousness and unlikely-action-hero experience. Christian Bale? Colin Farrell? Robert Downey Jr.? Naw, and besides, realistically these guys are out of the price range for a Remo movie. I think the absolute perfect choice for a new Remo Williams is Nathan Fillion. Admittedly, I'm a tad biased because he a fellow former Edmontonian, but I look at him in Serenity and Slither and I know he’s the right man for the job (hell, look at him to your right, he's already got the Remo wardrobe down pat). He’d bring the right amount of levity to the role, he’s the right age and he’s in good enough shape to take the physical (and mental abuse) from his trainer, Chiun.

And who’s gonna play Chiun, the other key role? Joel Grey played him in the original, under heavy makeup; due to the physical demands, the actor needs to be younger than the character, in excellent shape, and a background in martial arts and comedy is a must. Jackie Chan? Too goofy. It was just suggested to me that Chow Yun-Fat could handle the role (thanks, Marie-Eve!), and I think it’s a possibility. However, what about re-inventing the Master character a bit and having Jean Reno as the trainer? Hmmm… I dunno, This is definitely the toughest character to cast.

Easier would be Wilford Brimley’s character, Harold Smith, the computer nerd. At first I was thinking Brian Cox, but for realistic budgetary concerns, I think Maury Chakin could do just as good a job. As for Harold’s secret agent cohort, Con MacCleary (the guy in the trench coat who recruits Remo), I think it would be a nice touch (particularly given the sexism in the original film) to make this character a woman. And the best woman for the job – someone older, wiser and tough as nails – is Pam Grier, of course. And lastly, there’s the uptight, kind of plain, sort-of love interest, Maj. Rayner Fleming, played by Kate Mulgrew. I’d vote Radha Mitchell for this one, as she can do tough and serious in a uniform (e.g. Silent Hill, Pitch Black), isn’t overly glamourous, and she might actually have some onscreen chemistry with Fillion. (At least she can't have less than Ward and Mulgrew...)

Regardless, I'm so excited about a new Remo Williams movie adventure that I could just – yup, you guessed it – run on water.

-Dave Alexander