Misadventure On The High Seas...

My grade two teacher was a sadist. Why else would you make a classroom full of seven-year-olds cry by showing them a bunny cartoon? Watership Down, of course, is no ordinary bunny cartoon; based on the award-winning 1972 fantasy book about several societies of anthropomorphized rabbits coming into conflict, it’s violent, bloody and has many little bunny rabbits being harmed and killed. When the only cartoons you’ve known previously are of the sunny, happy Saturday morning variety, the brutality of Watership Down is an innocence-destroying horror-show (I'm not the only one to suffer from this film either).

Later, I discovered horror comic books, namely the stuff from EC Comics and its imitators. Gruesome imagery, sanity-sapped protagonists and plots twisted with ironic punishment are the hallmarks of these types of tales. In Alan Moore’s Watchmen, the comic book within the comic book, Tales of the Black Freighter, is tribute to the classic horror comics, a reoccurring tale throughout the series, which also comments on the main superhero story (it's seen as a metaphor for Ozymandias' character arc).

It was never intended to be part of the theatrical cut of Watchmen, as the film is long enough, but director Zack Snyder did insist on having it made, with the intention that is would later be reinserted into the director’s cut of the movie (a bad idea, as it would be a momentum killer if doled in chunks throughout the movie). In the meantime, you can (and should) see it on DVD, as Warner released it last week, packaged together with the faux documentary program special on the original superheroes of the Watchmen world, based on original Night Owl Hollis Mason’s Under the Hood. While Under the Hood is a great companion tied to the Watchmen film, Black Freighter stands on its own as an EC comic book come to life. Fleshed out to a 38-minute short film, it’s a terrifically crafted story for fans of The Watchmen, lovers of classic horror comics or just anyone up for a well told tale of the sea that has enough gore to paint your sails crimson and fill a hundred chum buckets with entrails.

The story, which has been fleshed out to encompass more than Moore’s original tale, begins with sea captain, “The Mariner” (voiced by 300’s Gerard Butler), nearly drowning amidst the dead bodies of his crew and the wreckage of his ship – victims of the demonic pirate ship the Black Freighter. Washed up on a beach with the rotting corpses, he decides to make a raft in order to return to Jamestown in time to stop the Freighter’s evil crew from harming his home and family. In a particularly disgusting sequence (read: awesome), he lashes the bloated gas-filled bodies to the raft and sets sail. Here, his insanity is given ample time to flourish while he hallucinates two-way conversations with the green, mushy head of his former first mate.

Although the puke-coloured bodies and The Mariner’s crazed visage are very reminiscent of the EC stuff, in keeping with Moore’s style, the dialogue in The Black Freighter is more literary than you’d expect (our fractured hero spouts his increasingly crazed soliloquies with Victorian verbosity), which is an ideal counterpoint to the lurid colours and atrocities on display in the short.

Moore's story was influenced by "Pirate Jenny," the song in Bertolt Brecht’s Threepenny Opera. Of course, that’s great ‘n' all, but you wanna watch this for the scenes where sharks attack The Mariner’s raft, chewing on the dead bodies, or perhaps for the red-eyed demonic pirates, or maybe the murderous hallucinations that lead to the tale’s bloody, desperate conclusion. In addition, the DVD contains a 25-minute documentary discussing the place of both Under the Hood and Tales of the Black Freighter in the world of Watchmen.

I’d love to see an entire series comprised of this style of animated horror stories. Brightly coloured, mostly rendered in detailed hand-drawn animation and fearlessly nasty (several heads get smashed open in a variety of ways throughout the course of the tale – if you’re still not sold on just how grim this is), Tales of the Black Freighter might even shock my cruel, cruel grade two teacher, wherever she is. And that's despite a lack of rabbit atrocities.

 

-Dave Alexander

Star Trek Reboot: The Next Generation or Nemesis?

I certainly know what a Tribble is; I’m pretty sure the Prime Directive is to not screw with other cultures; I have a vague idea that a guy named Christopher Pike came before Kirk; I’ve no clue what class of vessel the Enterprise is. I’m not a Trekker or a Trekkie, but I have seen all of the movies, a good chunk of the original series, and I’ll watch any episode with The Borg in it.

I’m excited about JJ Abrams (the guy who created Lost, Cloverfield and Fringe) directing a re-envisioning of the series, but I know not everyone is. Star Trek is sci-fi holy friggin’ scripture, so to mess with it this much inevitably causes ripples among the faithful. I’ve overheard a few lively arguments over the merits of the upcoming movie, and I’ve wondered how the serious fans are feeling about it.

So, to find out, I asked three friends who are genuine glavin-fortified Trek fans, to watch this trailer and then answer some questions about the new Star Trek. Will it have a hard time finding a place in their world?

Meet the landing party:

 
Name: Colin
Occupation: Software Consultant
Trekker cred: Watched every Star Trek series, movie, and the fan-made series Star Trek: Phase II.

Name: Justin
Occupation: Illustrator/Graphic Designer
Trekker cred: I own Star Trek: The Next Generation on DVD in its entirety, and have the TNG-era communicator pin proudly displayed on my laptop case. I've gone to the FanExpo here in Toronto for around eight years in a row now, and I always make a point to meet any Trek personalities they have in attendance. In college if a Trek episode I hadn't seen before was on TV, I would skip class to watch it.

Name: Liisa
Occupation: Chief Officer of Rock Writing
Trekker Cred: Formerly known as that girl dressed up like Deanna Troi at cons. Hey, we have the same eyebrows

And now, those questions:

Favourite Trek series or movie:

C: Each series has its own strengths, but for the films it’s Wrath of Khan.

J: I've liked all the series (except for Enterprise), but my favourite series would definitely be The Next Generation. First because it was the first one I got into, and second to me it had the best and most solid cast of characters and scripts. It took the original ideas and concepts of an idealized future and social commentary of the original Star Trek and matured them to near perfection. Every series since TNG seemed to be trying to replicate the characters. You can't tell me they weren't trying to duplicate Data when they created Seven of Nine in ST: Voyager. My favourite movie is definitely ST2: The Wrath of Khan. For obvious reasons.

L: TNG and whichever films that did not star any whales.

When you first heard that the guy behind Lost and Cloverfield was doing a Trek reboot, what’d you think? If JJ Abrams was in your landing party, would you make him wear the red shirt?

C: I think Abrams is a great choice. The last Star Trek series, Enterprise, wasn't as good as it should have been and the whole franchise needed some fresh blood. Not sure if casting new actors for Kirk, Spock and the rest of the original series crew is a great idea or not. I would have preferred going forward in time, say 40 years after Nemesis, with a new ship and crew, but I’m optimistic the new film will be good.

J: First off, when I heard they were doing a reboot of Trek, I set phasers to kill. They're doing it at an unfortunate time where it seems there are nothing but remakes and reboots coming out. It makes me think they maybe should just create a new sci-fi property and leave Trek alone. When I heard Abrams was directing it, I started to have a little hope for the project! I've enjoyed most of what he's done so far, and if anyone could at least TRY to make it a smart movie, he could do it.

L: I am hooked on Lost so was all for it – more mind-bending mind-melds. Also, having barely survived Cloverfield's shakycam I was confident he's the man to give those "brace yourself for impact" wobbly bridge shots an extra boost. I suppose we could have predicted the whole time-travel theme though.

Having seen the trailer, what do you like about it?

C: Nimoy, which means a time travel story and watching how they weave around the continuity of the series. Also, it looks like there’s going to be ton of action and interesting environments.

J: Hmmm, I've watched the thing a couple dozen times and can't find something I'm totally in love with. Maybe it'll bring in a new generation of Trek fans? The Next Generation, you could say? They seem to be keeping the ship design pretty faithful to the originals, though. So I guess that's nice.

L: To be honest, not that much. On initial viewing it was exciting just to feel that the franchise is coming back to life. And it did satisfy my Vulcan deprivation – the Nimoy cameo is exciting! But since when does Spock get angry and start fights?

Hate about it?

C: “My name is James Tiberius Kirk!”

J: Remember when I said earlier that I thought Abrams would at least try to make it a smart movie? Well, that hope was blown out of the main shuttle bay as soon as I saw a young Kirk joy riding an antique car across the desert, Tokyo Drifting the car off a cliff only to stand to his feet and say his entire name when asked... Really? That's the first thing you want to release for the newest Trek movie? Really? THAT? Okay I can look past that...

Then we meet an obviously more mature and grown up Kirk like the one we know and love...no wait: motorcycle, several days unshaven, facial wounds (which we can assume came from a bar fight, or something else equally as badass) and wearing a leather jacket. Oh I get it! He's a take-no-nonsense-from-the-man badass!

Now, Young-Spock has me somewhat confused. I understand that one of the best aspects of the Spock character is his inner conflict between his Vulcan and human sides, but why is it that he seems more condescending and arrogant in the trailer rather than calm and emotionless like the Spock of yesteryear? He seems more like Herbert West of Re-Animator than Spock. Oh I get it: badass. Every character must be a badass.

Fast forward to the end and it seems like they've made a paint-by-numbers science fiction movie. Which is why I ask again: why does this need to be a Star Trek movie? You mean the guy who came up with Lost and Cloverfield couldn't pull an original big spaceship battle movie idea out of his a**?

L: Car chases. Action sequences. More action. More blasting. A little more running. What is the story? Please tell me it's not a treatise on "buckle up!"

Thoughts on the cast? For example, that Nimoy appearance gives me chills, and while I like John Cho and Simon Pegg as comedic actors, I don’t know I can take them seriously here. And Chris Pine – Kirk or Jerk?

C: Too early to judge fairly; I think it is one of those things you just go with or not. Either you accept the idea of new actors playing characters you already know, like in a Shakespeare production, or not. Qunito as Spock seems like a good choice, but will Pine have the right mix of cockiness and smugness that Shatner had? We’ll see.

J: The addition of the comedic actors made me happy because all the previous Trek movies and TV series had a lot of humour in them. When they tried to be TOO dark and brooding with no lighter element of comedy, no matter how brief, is where they would fail. One of the highlights of TOS was Spock and McCoy's constant bickering of pure logic vs. human emotion. Hopefully they included that in the new movie, oh, but bickering might not be bad-ass enough. Maybe they'll have Spock and McCoy kung-fu fight it out.

Chris Pine? Jerk! Seems like he's be more at home in a frat movie.

L: Not being a follower of the original series (I know, I know...), I don't share the reverence for these characters that some fans might -- to me they are caricatures that should be played for laughs. Still, Kirk IS William Shatner. If they can turn Brad Pitt into a hideous old man child for Benjamin Button, surely they could have just, um, cast Shatner and fixed him in post?

Does the trailer suggest a serious breach of the Star Trek space-time continuum? Should Scott Bacula be in this movie somewhere? Why?

C: Yes, Chekov wasn’t on the bridge until the second season, so I imagine old Spock time travels and mucks up the space-time continuum gathering the bridge crew together before they were assembled in the original series. Should Scott Bakula be in this series? No. God no.

J: Well from what I've read the entire plot is a Romulan (with facial tribal tattoos, because they're badass) has gone back in time to assassinate Kirk's parents, which explains new-Kirk's apparently badassness. Breach of the Star Trek space-time continuum? Most definitely. Though, some of the better episodes of Trek dealt with that, so we'll see how the movie plays out. While I loved Bakula in Quantum Leap when I was a kid, I could never get into him in Enterprise.

L: It suggests the biggest breach in a Trek feature since the humpbacks in Voyage Home.

To conclude, after watching the trailer, what do your sensors indicate?

C: Phasers set to jizz.

J: Sensors indicate no intelligent life, Captain! They seem to be catering to the lowest common denominator, when they're dealing with a property that was known for its forward thinking and intelligence. I know that the point of remakes and reboots is to tap into a pre-existing market, but what happens when you ignore that market?

But no matter how much I bitch, I'll be there in line to see it. Hopefully it's just a case of "lets throw all the action-y stuff into the trailer to get a great opening weekend haul" syndrome. Dammit I want a good Trek movie!

L: Anyone loyal to the Star Trek universe who doesn't yet realize this about selling action figures to young people who've never cared about Star Trek should be prepared to set their emotional phasers to "stunned."

Thanks, Colin, Justin and Liisa, you're all a bunch of Starfleet Troopers in my books.

-Dave Alexander

Hollywood Travelogue Part 3: Ackerman of the Hour

Although there was much fun-fun-fun in the warm California sun during our trip to L.A., the reason I’d traveled there with my workmates was to help pay tribute to the guy was the lynchpin of horror/sci-fi fan culture: former Famous Monsters of Filmland editor Forrest J Ackerman. When “Uncle Forry,” as he’s better known amongst the genre faithful, passed away this past December 4^th at age 92, he was ready. He knew his body was shutting down and made final preparations with certainty, including a request for no-funerals or memorial services. His friends and caregivers were, however, allowed to throw him a tribute party, which was held Sunday March 8^th at the beautiful 87-year-old Grauman’s Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood.

 

The theatre was restored by the American Cinematheque in the mid-'90s after being sold to the organization for a dollar. (Apparently they didn't see fit to put an apostrophe up there during the renovations -- ack!) It re-opened December 4, 1998 (exactly ten years to the day before Ackerman passed away). I'm standing in the large rectangular courtyard in front of the theatre entrance, which has acommodated many Hollywood premieres, including it's first, Robin Hood, with Douglas Fairbanks. The theatre once held around 2000 people, and it now has seating for 616. Hundreds of people lined up outside the hoping to get in, as the event was open to the public after a couple hundred folks on the guest list were ushered in first to mingle in the lobby, enjoy the catering and get seated.

The first thing one noticed when entering the theatre lobby was this glass case containing Ackerman's bust (a death mask, I believe), distinctive glasses, hand cast and other items depicting "The Ackermonster" -- as he was also sometimes known.

 

As per Forry's request, his massive collection of memorabilia will be auctioned off (he was adamant about it not gathering dust in a museum but instead being enjoyed by other genre fans). The book is a first edition of Dracula, signed not only by Bram Stoker but loads of other horror icons who portrayed the character, including Bela Lugosi, Paul Naschy and Christopher Lee.

The ring was worn by Lugosi in Dracula and he gave to Ackerman, who in turn almost never took it off. Talk about one-of-a-kind items. (More info on the auction here.)

Filmmaker and longtime friend of Forry's Tim Sullivan was the master of ceremonies. He introduced the first speaker, Ray Bradbury. Wheelchair-bound and sometimes struggling for words, Bradbury described how Forry basically got his career started as a writer by introducing him to the right people and encouraging him. At the end of speech Bradbury got choked up when describing how sad he was to see his friend go. When I spent some time with Ackerman at last summer's San Diego ComiCon, Bradbury came by to visit; it was easy to tell that they went way back. 

John Landis went up next and was characteristically comical in describing his longtime friendship with Ackerman (Forry had cameos in many of Landis' projects, including Michael Jackon's "Thriller" Video -- he's sitting right behind Jackson in the movie theatre; watch for him at the 3:43 mark). Landis also cracked Scientology jokes (Forry was L. Ron Hubbard's literary agent at one point) and read letters from both Ray Harryhausen and Stephen King.

Guillermo Del Toro flew in from New Zealand, where he's working on The Hobbit, to attend the event. He's an engaging speaker and more hilarious than you might expect from a guy makes a lot of monster movies. He described writing a letter as a boy asking Forry to adopt him; when his father found out he was given a beating. Del Toro also described how he sought out Forry while working on post-production for his first feature, Cronos (an excellent reworking of the vampire tale), and they went for pie. He ended his speech by saying that Forry was "God" to him.

 

They tribute consisted of over a half-dozen very good short speeches (to hear more about the event, you can read this account by event co-organizer, Forry's caretaker and genre filmmaker: Joe Moe.) Joe Dante, who is one of the original "Monster Kids" and read Famous Monsters of Filmland from issue #1, was insightful and very matter-of-fact. He spoke of Forry as someone who taught us film history about the genre we loved, even while the mainstream was ignoring it, pointing out that "today a small nail was hammered into the coffins" of all the Monster Kids.

 

There were A/V segments to the tribute, as well, including a montage of clips featuring Forry's movie cameos. I don't know which film this image is from, but you can get a good look at those trademark Forry glasses. After the speeches, Joe Moe was joined by musicians and the executor of Ackerman's will, writer/director/producer Kevin Burns, who does a spot-on Forry impersonation, to sing a version of an Al Jolson song. (Ackerman's favourite musician was Jolson.)

After that that, the tribute ended with a final message from Forry himself, which was taped six days before he died. In it he says good-bye to his friends, fans and fellow genre enthusiasts. You can watch it here if you think your heartstrings are up for it. It reminds me of own grandfather in his final weeks, when he was tiny and frail; not surprisingly, most of the crowd became teary-eyed at this point. Ackerman was vocal that he didn't believe in an afterlife, so we saw a man who knows he's days away from death, accepting it and saying a final farewell.

We mingled in the courtyard for a while afterward on a comfortable March evening. Later, we attended a private party at a bar beside the theatre. Before that, I caught these guys for one last quick shot before they left the Egyptian. From left to right: actor Del Howison, who also co-owns the famous horror-themed gift shop Dark Delicacies; Tim Sullivan, whose head is too fast even for digital photography; the mighty Joe Moe, one of the nicest, coolest guys I've ever met; David J. Skal, a genre expert who's provided commentary for several of the Universal horror DVD reissues and who wrote one of my all-time favourite books on film history, The Monster Show; and, of course, John Landis.

As you can guess by the pics, Forrest J  Ackerman was a very important person to genre fans, filmmakers and seemingly damn well everyone who spent any time with him. He enjoyed a long lifetime of celebrating the fantastic, elevating it beyond disposable pulp and gathering us likeminded creatures around it, where we could share a kinship beyond the everyday, as monsters in arms. I was honoured to attend this tribute and celebrate the man himself.

Thanks again, Uncle Forry.

-Dave Alexander

Hollywood Travelogue Part 2: Universal Appeal

I was a very lucky kid because my family has relatives in Anaheim, California, and in Anaheim, California there be Disneyland. I was spoiled rotten getting to visit the Magic Kingdom on a somewhat regular basis, however, my heart longed for another: Universal Studios. The ads for the theme park, particularly the Jaws and Battlestar Galactica portions of the tour, promised the danger, excitement and killer space robots that a Mickey and co. just couldn't deliver. But alas, due to time, budget and probably my parents' reluctance to spend yet another exhausting day dragging my brother and I around a gargantuan tourist trap, my dream of Universal Studios remained unfulfilled. Until last week, when I was in L.A., staying at the Universal City Hilton, a five-minute walk from the park.

The cylons have been shelved, but the shark is still there on the studio tour, plus there's the new Simpsons 3-D ride, the haunted house, the Terminator 2 multi-media show The Mummy ride and even a Waterworld attraction(!?!). But, was it worth over $60 USD to visit?

Through Krusty's face one enters the mouth of madness that is the Simpsons ride. Once inside you join the long winding line, which is made bearable by monitors showing clips from the show. Eventually you enter the actual attraction building, which is a day-glo cartoon funhouse where you're introduced to the ride's storyline. It seems Sideshow Bob has escaped prison (again) and seized control of the Krustyland Fun Park. Eventually you hop in a giant rollercoaster car facing a giant screen, which simulates an out-of-control journey, in which Bob tries to smash you, Maggie has grown into a giant, you're whipped around on a virtual rollercoaster, flung thorugh the air, flushed through a torrent of water and even dropped into Hades. The animation is fantastic and full of favourite character cameos (Frink anyone?).

 

After the ride there's a gift shop built to look like a Kwik-E-Mart. It sells giant donuts (literally the size of a dinner plate in diameter) with pink icing and sprinkles. Ah, America...

Speaking of pink, an actress dressed as Marylin Monroe was driving around in this convertible. Here she's passing the street that separates the Old New York block from the European-style SpongeBob souvenir shop. Wonderfully crass post-modernism.

As a fan of the classic Universal monster movies, this was a must. Unfortunately, you have to go to the Florida Universal Studios for more monster action, where there's the Universal Classic Monsters Cafe, The Universal Horror Make-Up Show and the Jaws ride (a whole ride!). Still, as far as haunted attractions go, this one is a solid mix of actors popping out of the shadows to scare you, cool monster props and atmospheric lighting. The big mistake is that it combines too many of the Universal horror properties. They should've stuck to the classics (Frankenstein's monster, the Wolf Man, The Mummy, etc.) and not bothered with newer properties, such as Child's Play. 

 

These guys have been waiting in line for a while...

 

Whooooo... the terrifying cabinet of boxed Chucky dolls!

 

I think this commentary on the American healthcare system could be more subtle.

 

Finally we went on the 45-minute-long studio tour. One of the first things we drove by, after driving past a bunch of the in-use studios, was this set, which was being rebuilt after the previous one was destroyed in last summer's fire. I wish I was on the tour that day ("That fire looks sooo real; I love movie magic!"). After this we cruised through some other sets (old west, Mexican villa, etc.), were "attacked" by some spitting Jurassic Park dinos, saw a bunch of famous movie vehicles (the neatest of which was the land speeder thingie from Firefly), experienced a fake flash flood, drove over a "collapsing" bridge, and more.

 

FINALLY! I got to see the Jaws segment of the tour, which is a little harbour with an animatronic diver hanging out in it. Soon, that famous fin approaches and he's pulled under water, a spurt of red liquid signaling his demise. Then the dock is torn apart, igniting some barrels. Finally, a huge shark rises up out of the water and cruises past the tram. I wasn't fast enough to get a decent pic, but my inner child almost wet his pants he was so happy.

We also stopped at The Bates Motel, one of the longest still standing sets in Hollywood. Uh-oh, looks like we caught Norman loading a friend into the trunk of his car. You'd think he'd know better than to commit illegal acts in front of scores of tourists with cameras. Idiot. (Admittedly, it was kinda scary when he "notices" us, pulls a knife from his coat and runs at the tram.)

 

What I really wanted to see was the famous Psycho house. This, in case you were wondering, is not it. Norman's pad still stands to the left of this set, partially obscured by trees, but the tour speeds right past it and stops at the crappy sun bleached Whoville set from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. If one must visit the set of this awful film, the least Universal could do is hire Mike Myers to dress up as the Grinch and traipse around. I hear he works wicked cheap since The Love Guru.

 

 

The most impressive part of the tour was driving through the set of Spielberg's War of the Worlds where a plane has crashed in the middle of the 'burbs. This turbine smoked and there was an amazing amount of debris, notably the body of the plane with all the seats. Yup, street hockey was called off that day.

After this,we saw a lake set with the lodge on it, where they shot part of The Great Outdoors; then we went into a tunnel for an exceptionally silly Mummy-themed thing where they blasted air on our legs to simulate scarab beetles attacking. It didn't make any sense, even by the standards of the tour. The other notable stops/events included an earthquake simulation inside one of the studio buildings (which would've been where the Battlestar part of the tour used to be!), a look at a scale model set for King Kong and an exceptionally boring tour through the street where Desperate Housewives is shot and Murder She Wrote used to be shot. Apparently at one point there was an animatronic Angela Landsbury but they moved it into the House of Horrors.

Just kidding, that would be way too scary...

In addition to the tour, I checked out the Backdraft multi-media attraction (it's not actually a ride, because you wander through a few rooms and watch some videos that lead up to a pyrotechnics demonstration), which was introduced, via dated video, by Ron Howard, who comes off as a complete cheeseball as he reads cue cards while wearing his terrible Cosby-like v-neck sweater. I went on the Mummy rollercoaster ride, which lasts literally under a minute but is worth hopping on if you don't have to wait long. I skipped the Jurassic Park ride, as none of my travelling companions wanted to get splashed and wander around cold and wet. We also skipped the Waterworld show, for obvious reasons. And before the park closed at 7pm, which seems much too early on a weekend, we hit the badly dated Terminator 2: 3D show, which consists of a movie screen, live actors, animatronic 'bots, an overactive smoke machine and a gift shop full of crap, such as Terminator golf balls.

That said, if you're a movie geek, Universal Studios Hollywood is worth the $60 American entrance fee just to go on the tour, and hit some of the rides -- as long as the line-ups aren't crazy. It was brisk but not busy at the beginning of March, so go in the off-season if you can.

Lastly, it should be mentioned that Universal distributed The Big Lebowski on DVD, yet the park is very Un-Dude. C'mon, people, would it kill you to add a replica bowling alley, Jackie Treehorn trampoline simulator or some sort of, I dunno, Dudercoaster?

(Next up: in Part Three we go to the Forrest J Ackerman memorial party.)

-Dave Alexander

Hollywood Travelogue Part 1: Manufactured Landscapes

Last Thursday I flew to California with my Rue Morgue cohorts for a work vacation that revolved around attending the memorial party for Forrest J Ackerman, who passed away last December (I blogged about it here). All kinds of movie-related Tom Foolery was afoot, during the four days we were there, and this is Part One of a three-part photo diary of a place where some dreams come true, some dreams are shattered and some are just manufactured en masse in Asia...

Anyone who says Hollywood is full of fake plastic people might be referring to one of the many cheesy souvenir shops in the tourist areas, such as this one on Hollywood Boulevard, which gives even Niagara Falls a run for its money in the Shameless Shiny Crap Department. I can only hope my aunt and uncle are finally ready to recognize my achievements in the Best Nephew category so I can take home a glorified cake topper. Props for having the little guys stand on top of miniature Devo hats, though!

The majesty of the 82-year-old Grauman's Chinese Theatre was, um, barely ruined at all by the fact that it was playing a gawd-awful Street Fighter sequel. In addition, the area out front of the building has the celebrity foot- and handprints in the concrete. Somehow I doubt any of the Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li cast members are going to receive that honour anytime soon.

There are literally miles of stars all over Hollywood Boulevard. You can tell who the tourists are -- they look down while they walk. Fact: Chuck Norris' star doesn't lie down on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, everything else stands at attention around it. Fact: Before Chuck Norris' star was on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, he used it to kill giant ninjas. Fact: Chuck Norris' star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame could go supernova on your ass at any moment.

 

The Universal CityWalk was a five-minute jaunt from our hotel. It's a pedestrians-only street crammed with shops, restaurants, kiosks, bars and neon signs. At the edge of the frame, to the right, you can see the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, and in the background looms the giant guitar in front of the Hard Rock Cafe. The area is kinda like a giant bug-zapper for tourists' wallets.

 

Outside the theatre on the CityWalk rests the Nite Owl's ship from Watchmen. Those flimsy metal barriers could barely contain its awesome power! He probably paid a fortune for valet parking there.

The next day we got a private tour of Legacy Effects (formerly Stan Winston Studios), the special effects house started by Stan Winston, the Academy Award-winning actor/director/FX genius who passed away last June. The studio sits quietly in an industrial area, and we weren't allowed to take pictures inside the workshop, as the company is always busy crafting stuff for upcoming features, TV shows and commercials, including Iron Man 2. The place is huge and houses all kinds of cool props from films such as Jurassic Park, Interview with a Vampire, Predator, Iron Man and many, many more. Above is Winston's chair, which is kept in one of the boardrooms.

 

The detail on this maquette for the T-Rex in Jurassic Park is amazing. The one behind it, for the Queen Alien in Aliens, ain't half bad either. I wish there was a tiny Sam Neill running away from the Rex.

 

I'm dwarfed by the suit that Jeff Bridges' bad guy character wore in Iron Man (shame on you, Duder!). Bridges actually got in this costume and had some movement in it. It's possible to swing the arms, which pretty much makes the wearer Punchmaster of the Universe.

Part Two (Universal Studios) coming soon...

-Dave Alexander

All Eyes on Watchmen

                   

This weekend marks a vital moment in modern cinema – the chance for brain to match brawn in the superhero genre. You don’t need a Bat-computer to figure out that men in tights rule the box office these days. And, look no further than The Dark Knight’s two wins and eight nominations at this year’s Oscars for proof that the superhero genre is comprised of more than action-packed popcorn movies (with huge costume budgets). But, while you can look back as far as 1994’s The Crow for a superhero (or perhaps super anti-hero) movie that’s excessively dark and violent, these types of films have been much slower to embrace adult content on an intellectual level.

Unbreakable – my all time favourite superhero film – is an exception, as it’s a very serious, gloomy and self-aware deconstruction with nary a shred of spandex in sight. (Had it been more successful, the planned trilogy would've been realized, with Breakable and Broken being the other two installments). Similarly, there’s an indie movie starring Michael Rappaport called Special (finally coming to DVD at the end of this month), in which we’re never sure if the protagonist is actually endowed with super powers or simply mentally ill. With equal parts humour and tragedy it blurs the line between the two states. Both of these films depict superheroes as real people, asking you to consider how such an extraordinary person could possibly fit into the real world, what are the implications? (Hancock also does this, but on a much less thoughtful level.)

Watchmen, from all indications, does the same thing, but, in following Alan Moore’s Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel source material, on an epic scale. It examines a handful of characters over the course of decades, questioning what they stand for in the context of self doubt about their relevance, actual history (as this Japanese trailer makes very evident) and a plot so dark it begins with brutal murder and builds to nuclear apocalypse. These heroes have sex, kill and sometimes die. The question to be answered this weekend when the film opens, is just how much of Moore’s very grown up source material was Zack Snyder allowed to preserve for the film?

Rich in metaphor and allusion to classic literature, actual history and comic book lore, Watchmen is miles beyond any other superhero film intellectually. It would be impossible to tell the story without much of that surviving, which positions Watchmen as a massive single bound forward for the superhero genre. The challenge, of course, is to find a way to make a grown up superhero movie that also appeals to the popcorn crowd, because without that box office potential no one would fund Watchmen on the scale it requires to bring it to life. Moore has decried adapting the story for film and wants nothing to do with it, which is understandable, given that his graphic novels From Hell, V for Vendetta and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen were unsatisfactorily adapted by Hollywood. V for Vendetta wasn’t awful, but The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a movie so thoroughly wretched it will actually make you believe in evil. It caused Sean Connery to retire, Moore fans to give up hope of adaptations of his work, and, uh, puppies all over the world to spontaneouly explode.

So, it’s no surprise that one can walk into a comic store and witness both the drip of drooling excitement and the spray of hostile spittle when it comes to Watchmen. The story is near and dear to our geek hearts, and to see it go so mainstream (hell, the Blockbuster in my neighbourhood is selling Watchmen wall clocks!) is painful. That is, if you see this as Hollywood dumbing/watering down the piece of work that, like no other superhero graphic novel, has justified your obsession with caped do-gooders as artful.

As much as I love Moore's Watchmen, I don’t see it like that. I see this as the film that, if it’s successful, will allow superhero movies in general to become more thoughtful, layered and complex. I like to see Hulk smash as much as the next guy who loves the smell of Mylar in the morning, but I want more from my comic book movies. Sure, dazzle me with explosions but also challenge me with story and subtext. So... even if Watchmen can’t live up to the high standards of Moore’s template, it’s an important part of a vital evolution that will help make a place for superhero movies that are thought-provoking, challenging and capable of tearing apart walls between traditional "high art" and "low-brow" culture. Or perhaps at least help bring utility belts into fashion.

Watchmen, I challenge you to punch in me in the gut and the mind.

-Dave Alexander

East of the Sun and West of the Moon

My body is on a couch in a small, nearly windowless apartment in West Toronto, but my head is in on a raft in the middle of the  Pacific Ocean, where land has no parcel of the horizon. Another cold and particularly blustery weekend reminds me that winter hasn’t started packing its bags yet. So I close my eyes and imagine I’m moving atop rhythmic swells, that I can smell the tang of saltwater, that I can feel the sun on my face and the trade winds in my hair. I imagine being aboard the Kon-Tiki at its most peaceful.

For those unfamiliar, the Kon-Tiki was the raft, named after an Incan sun god, built by Norwegian scholar/adventurer Thor Heyerdahl. Sixty-two years ago Heyerdahl and the rest of his six-man crew constructed it in the method ancient Peruvians would have employed (balsa wood log base, no nails, and a hardwood mast and rudder) and sailed it across the Pacific from Peru to the Polynesian islands. Heyerdahl assembled the crew, which also consisted of sociologist Bengt Danielson, radio expert Knut Haugland, navigator Erik Hesselberg, second radio expert Torstein Raby and engineer Herman Watzinger, in order to help him prove a point.

Before this, Heyerdahl collected significant data to suggest that ancient peoples crossed the Pacific Ocean much earlier than it was generally accepted among academics. He wanted to prove that it was possible for primitive adventurers to make the 4300 nautical mile journey in a raft and cross-pollinate cultures far away without the benefits of modern technology. He did, and along the way his crew collected loads of important scientific data, braved storms, made discoveries (including a fish that had thought to been extinct), experienced intense solitude, tested their problem solving abilities and even saved a life after they struck land. It was an epic adventure that Heyerdahl detailed it in his book Kon-Tiki: Across the Pacific in a Raft. The bestseller is a dramatic read chock full o' danger, triumph, strong wills and captivating information that can only be learned by actually taking such a journey.

Although the men sailed in a very traditional way, they brought along a radio to update the outside world of their progress, and a 16mm camera to document the journey (see a clip). In 1951 Kon-Tiki was released, a feature-length documentary based on Heyerdahl’s book. Using black and white footage, still photos and some illustrations – strung together with voiceover narration – it tells a shortened version of the tale. You really need to read the book to get into the lives and the headspace of men on such an epic journey in order to experience things such as diving beneath the raft to inspect the ropes and seeing an amazing array of fish, or to understand the absolute isolation of being “east of the sun and west of the moon.” The stuffy British narrator standing in for Heyerdahl gives the doc a very dated educational film feel, as if nothing of out of the ordinary is actually happening, despite the footage you’re seeing and the spectacular events being described.

Regardless, the film won a Best Documentary Academy Award in 1951. It does allow you to see first-hand some of the wonders described in the book (including the giant whale shark that approached the raft, threatening to sink it!), which makes the disc a vital companion to the book. In particular, the DVD has some worthwhile extras, including some vibrant colour footage that further enhances the mental imagery; a photo gallery that details some things not caught on film (footage of the interior of the cabin was damaged, for example); and there’s a one-hour documentary on Heyerdahl, which gets into his post-Kon-Tiki adventures, notably his journey on the Egyptian reed boat Ra and his discoveries about how the Easter Island statues were moved. It even delves into his latter years in academic circles where his methods and conclusions were sometimes met with hostility in the scientific community. (Kon-Tiki is available here.)

Even better, though, I was able to visit the Kon-Tiki museum in Norway, which houses, among many other items from Heyerdahl’s adventures and scientific expeditions, a replica of the mighty Kon-Tiki. For me, being able to see how small and deceptively fragile it looked, really hammered home not just how amazing Heyerdahl’s feat was, but also what a crazy bastard he was. The guy crossed a massive friggin’ expanse of shark-filled water on a bunch of sticks and rope – just to prove a point!

Of course, it was about so much more than that. It was also about leaving the safe trappings of civilizations for the freedom of the natural world – even if, ironically, you are trapped on a raft and at the mercy of the current. Books, movies, museums, can only give one a taste of that feeling. But it excites the hell out of the imagination.

If I close my eyes and pretend I’m one of those bearded, sun baked men on that journey, the walls fall away and I can see the sun on an endless horizon; the furnace in the other room stops and I can hear the wind; the street noise becomes waves crashing over wooden slats. The city is angry, but the Kon-Tiki is peaceful. I am east of the sun and west of the moon.

-Dave Alexander